Friday, February 3, 2012

Guest Dianne Venetta and Dating Younger Men

Generation Gap -- dating a younger man.

Hm.  Interesting topic.  In my current release, Samantha Rawlings and her lover Vic Marin are about ten years apart in age.  While this may not constitute a generation gap, it does beg the question:  “Is there an issue when dating cross-generations?

Yes, and no. (Of course I’d say both! I’m a have-my-cake-and-eat-it-too kind of gal!)  I think there can be an issue when the difference in age runs twenty years or more—and not necessarily due to the difference in tradition/attitudes that exist between us and say, our parents—but because of intellect.  Oops—I’m sorry.  Are you one of those still wondering why anyone twenty years younger would even be dating someone that old?  It does sound kind of crazy…  I mean, who in their right mind would want to do such a thing?

Ah...  Now we’re getting somewhere! Usually it’s a twenty-something younger woman dating a forty-something older man.  He’s looking for the fountain of youth and she believes she has it.  Remember when you were young and thought you had all the answers?  I do.  And thank goodness I didn’t do anything too “permanent” during those days—else I’d be in real trouble.

But I digress.  The core of the problem with this relationship is not the difference in age or body-tone, but intellect.  Do these two really have anything to talk about?  Is she mature enough to handle his teenage children (assuming he has some) or his mid-life crisis issue—or heck, how about his ex-wife?  (She’s still the mother of his children and always will be.)  C’mon!  The girl has no life experience.  She’s not equipped to handle this kind of conflict!  And you know there will be serious conflict when the ex finds out the old man is dating someone “decades” her junior.

Well then, fine.  How about a forty-something year old woman and a twenty-something year old man?  Does this feel any different?  Is she even interested in talking to the young fella?

Doubtful.  Most older women aren’t seeking much beyond a good time when it comes to dating a man so many years her junior.  She’s “been there done that” and already dealt with all the gripes and moans and she is SO over it.  Her ego fulfillment veers towards vanity and companionship, and of course, intimate gratification.  Need I say more?

An older man?  Sure he’s looking for the intimate gratification part (always has been), but additionally I think he’s looking for power, control and someone to take care of him.  And because this younger gal has no idea who she is yet, let alone what makes him tick, she’s in for a wakeup call. (Hopefully they’ll still be married and living happily-ever-after when she “awakes.”  It’s possible.  I’ve seen it happen.)

But the older woman? She wants freedom, fun and the easy road. Talk about liberated—this lady is hot to trot with a gallop that’s on fire!  She’s a precipice-jumping cougar with a frisky purr and powerful body to match!  (She goes to the gym on a regular basis, you know.  Add a few of those crazy-suspended-in-air yoga moves and she could probably out run a cheetah!)  Sha-ZAM!  I’m with her!

In case you were wondering, this is where the “no” answer comes into play. (I DO get easily distracted!)  If you’re not looking for a serious relationship than no, I don’t think the gap in generations matters.  Why should it?  So long as both parties know how to play “responsibly” we’re all good. 

“Was it good for you?” he asks.

“The bomb,” she replies, as in explosions ricocheting to the tips of her toes and back.

“Good,” he returns.  And because he’s young, he may actually leave out the thought so part.

Thanks for taking the time to chat with me!  But if you’ll excuse me, it is getting a little warm in here.  “Oh, honey...!  I need a little research help!”

Author bio:

Dianne lives in Central Florida with her husband, two children and part-time Yellow Lab--Cody-body!  When not whacking away at her keyboard crafting her next novel you'll find her in their organic garden chasing grasshoppers and plucking hornworms all while drawing wild analogies between kids and plants and men.  Definitely men.

A girl's gotta have fun, right?

When she's not knee-deep in dirt or romance, Dianne contributes garden advice for various websites and volunteers in her kids' school garden (a crazy existence to be sure). But at the end of the day, if she can inspire someone to stop and smell the roses--or rosemary!—kiss their child and spouse good-night, be kind to a neighbor and Mother Earth, then she's done all right. - the last being my garden blog

Book blurb:

She has what he needs, and he won't stop until he gets it.  Trouble is, what begins as a matter of death, becomes a matter of life.
# # #
One case away from partnership, Samantha Rawlings is forced to share her high-profile case with a sexy younger man, whose eyes are on a different prize.  In the best interests of her client, Sam opens the door to his strategy.  Turns out, a little too far...

Victor Marin has ulterior motives.  The defendant in her case holds the key to his revenge, and his last chance for justice.  But as he chases old demons, he uncovers a powerful woman with no inhibitions, one he wants to possess for himself.  But decidedly single, Sam wants no part.

Until Vic walks away.


“You did well today, Vic.  You didn’t win your argument, your performance was a little overpowering, but you did well.”  She slid a hand across the table.  He would have sworn she was about to touch his, but instead, her fingers curled around the stem of her water glass.  “Chavez was out of line.  It’s his MO.  Whenever there’s a new attorney in his courtroom, he parades power like a peacock.  Don’t take it personal.”
No longer sparring, Vic noted her removal of armor.
“You’re good.  Really good.  You have phenomenal energy in the courtroom—I mean you had the jury.”  A smile crept onto her lips, a gesture which reached deep inside him.  “I was watching.  Each and every one of them followed you around that courtroom, your every move, your every word, they were right there with you.  They didn’t believe her either.”
“Then why won’t you include me on Perry?”

Sam’s breath caught in her throat.  Trapped beneath his gaze, the question echoed Raul’s.  Around her, the noise level rose as lunch hour officially reached full sprint.  People shouted orders, metal cash registers clanged in action, but she focused solely on Vic.
Her suspicion returned.  Because I don’t need any help.  Because I don’t want the distraction.  Because I’ll be damned if some unknown hotshot comes in and tries to strip the prize from my hands regardless of how good, or how good-looking he is.
Sam’s spine locked straight.  All her life she had to work twice as hard, run twice as fast—because she was a woman.  As an adolescent, her parents forced her to share an overload of responsibility for the care of five younger siblings, despite the fact her brother was scarcely a year behind her.  In college she was offered more dates than internships with law school providing more of the same.
Sam sighed.  Baker, Schofield, Martinez and Brown had been the one interview where she felt wholly respected—wholly appreciated for her talent and not her looks.  Because of Raul.  He focused on her abilities and she responded.  From there, the man taught her everything she knew, from the law to the lowdown, and groomed her into the legal shark she was proud to be.
Her thoughts chilled.  Yet now, he was encouraging interference on her caseload from the new guy.  It didn’t make sense.
Sam honed in on Vic.  “Give me one good reason I should include you on Perry.”
“You said it yourself, I’m good.”
“So am I.”
“It’s a big case.  More than one attorney can handle.”
“I have Diego.”
“I have experience.”
“So I hear.”  Sam lifted her glass from the table, but never took her eyes off him.
“It could work to your benefit.”
“I work to my benefit.”
Vic eased his neck from his collar and reached for his glass.  “I’m offering to help, Sam.  Most attorneys would jump at the opportunity.”
“If you hadn’t gathered by now, I’m not most attorneys.” 


“My father is a prominent attorney.”
Sam gave an expectant lift to her shoulders.  “And?”
“And, what?  He’s a good guy.”  Depressed, angry…  Vic sighed.  But a good man at heart.
“What do they think of you moving to Miami?”
Something inside him hardened.  “They’re very supportive of what I do.”
She nodded, as though it were obvious.  “They want you to be happy.”
Vic felt the old pressure swell in his gut.  “Something like that.”  He sipped from his drink, coating his ache with a soothing measure of gin.
“Family is important,” Sam said, with what sounded like genuine admiration.  “Particularly the dedicated kind.”
He paused, and held onto the softness that entered her voice.  “If you feel that way, why aren’t you married?”
“Why aren’t you?”
“Asked you first.  The way you said it, sounded like you have some experience in the department.”
“I do.  Loads of it.”  She shook long bangs from her well-shaped brow and said, “I come from a family of six kids.”
Six kids?”
“Six.  And I, being the oldest, had to help raise the little beasts—I mean, dearies.”  She smiled sweet as syrup.  “And mind you, I love every one of them, but I don’t want to repeat history.”  She mimicked a shudder and fiddled with her drink’s red plastic sword.  “I’ve had my fill in the child-rearing department, thank you very much, but that doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate the commitment my parents made to keep it together.”
Oblivious now to the parade of passersby, Vic felt a strange wave of disappointment.  “What, you don’t want kids?”
“I have kids,” she asserted.  “My brothers and sisters have several between them who I enjoy very much, but as for myself I’ve chosen a different path.”
Vic nodded, but said nothing.  He was calculating the new information, turning it over in his mind, deciding what it meant and how he felt about it.
And it’s reflection on her.
“So Vic, you still haven’t explained why you chose Miami.”
He welcomed the shift in tide.  Talk of marriage and children was starting to depress him.  “I’m looking to add a little ‘sunshine’ to my life and this seemed just the place.”
Sam dipped into her martini, the fiery gleam in her eyes magnetic, her smile reflecting the earlier reference.  Inciting desire, it pulled him in, all without revealing her first thought.
“Yes, well, sounds to me like you had a vested opportunity in your father’s firm.  Why cross the country and start over?”
“I wanted a change in scenery.  While I’m young,” he added, with measured thrust.
Sam smiled, intrigued, but let the subject go.
While she had yet to decipher the reason for Vic’s move, and Raul’s insistence on acting as his cheerleader, she knew men didn’t usually uproot their careers and move halfway across the country, particularly when their father was a well-connected attorney in town and their academics were spotless.
Unless there was a problem.


a $25 Amazon or Barnes and Noble GC to one randomly drawn commenter during the tour. Find more about the tour here.


  1. I'm with the older woman as well. Does she not deserve her time?


  2. @marybelle She SO deserves her time! LOL And lots of it!

  3. HA! I knew it! Authors use their SO's for research! Enjoyed reading the post today...and the excerpt too!

    Have to say that cougar you're talking about definately sounds more like a cheetah and that younger man will also need to be a cheetah to keep up with her!

    kareninnc at gmail dot com

  4. Hi Dianne! I think there is still a bit of a stigma of older women/younger men...even though it is a little more common to see and hollywood has done it.It's still more acceptable to see older women/younger men. I wonder if it's because "people" just think that the woman is in it only for sex...which may be true. Is that relationship seen as a more sexually based relationship...and is that what makes folks uncomfortable? Good food for thought in today's post.


  5. Dianne, we would be such great friends, LOL! I couldn't have said it more perfectly myself!

    If only I knew then what I know now ;-)

    But then...would I be who I am now? *boggle* I like who I am now. I worked hard to get it here. And I earned it. So, was rough, but a fun ride, never the less, hehe.

    Gena Robertson

  6. Wonderful interview. My sister dates younger men, but they always leave and she's left heart broken.
    Now she is thinking about dating men closer to her age.

  7. Fantastic post today, Dianne...thank you!

  8. I have to go with the older woman too.