Monday, June 25, 2012

A Response to The R Word

Below is something that I don't normally write and I may delete it just had to be said. At least for the moment.

I'm not a political person. I'm not. I'm someone who keeps their opinions to themselves because, frankly, I don't know everything.


And yes, this is my pen name, not my real name. I talk freely with my real name because those people know be and don't rely on me for being a "public figure". (Even though I don't think of myself as that either)

I only know what I think and what I research. So I don't feel informed enough to talk about certain things.

But after reading The Escapist: The R Word, I really had to type something out. I mean...I know everyone won't agree with me, but this is what I have to say.

Rape is a word I don't like to hear.

I don't.

I can read about it, hear about it, and learn about it if I know the information is coming to me. If someone is telling their experience, I will sit with them or read about because I know how hard it is to tell your story. I can read it in books and even write about the aftermath in my books--because I am ready for it in terms of fiction.

But I don't like telling my story.

I don't like letting everyone know that when I was 14, I tutored an 18 year old boy in math he decided to tutor me in something else. He put a knife to my throat and took my virginity. I remember every single thing about it.

Every single thing.

He decided.

I didn't.

He then told his friend that I was easy and liked it so I gained a reputation. His brother was a cop so he got away. My parents were in another country serving ours. My guardian fought for me...but it wasn't enough.

I am long past the need to point fingers and put blame. The man who raped me died two years later because he thought he was a thug and got himself shot in a gang shooting.

I'm not sorry about that.

I shouldn't have to be.

But I shouldn't have to hear the word rape in a funny connotation. I've been hearing it for years in the gaming and university world. Where one person wins a game therefore they "raped" the loser. Or when someone gets "raped" by an exam I give.

Or when I pass by Family Guy on the TV and have to listen to Peter make rape jokes.
It's ridiculous.
By saying a word over and over again we don't get over it or let it desensitize us. By doing that, we make people who haven't been touched by the rape think it's okay to say those things. By doing that, we make the people who have been touched by rape want to dry heave....or worse.

I'm sick of reading about people being horrible on Twitter, Facebook, or the news, seeing it in my classrooms or out in public.

I can't tell you what to say and you don't have to agree with me. But as with The Escapist, hearing the word in that context brings me back to when I was a 14 year old girl with a knife to my throat.

I don't want to be that girl anymore.

Okay. I'm off my soapbox or whatever the hell it is. I'll probably delete this post later. But I had to write it.


  1. I haven't suffered what you have, but I don't like hearing rape used for anything but what it is.

    So sorry to hear what happened to you.

    1. Thanks Cara. I hate hearing people talk about it like its a feminist agenda or something.

  2. unfortunately we live in a world where morals and values have become only words people say instead of concepts held in one's heart.People are ignorant and cruel. Children become bullies and parents stand by and watch, doing nothing. Never be afraid to get on your soapbox, sometimes it takes the height to be heard.

  3. I would love to write a great response but as someone that both suffered a knife at my throat and a rape (separate attacks / different people :( ) all I can say is I wish more people understood that it's NOT funny and abusers are NOT cute!

  4. It was very brave of you to post this, Carrie.

    The idea that rape is a joke and that anyone who thinks otherwise must be some sort of man-hater with no sense of humor sickens me. I doubt those people would find it so funny if it happened to them.

  5. Wow Carrie, you are formidable. You have my deepest respect.

  6. You are a brave woman and I applaud you for saying what you needed to say.

    The world we live in trivializes everything and it is sad to see our children's innocence stolen away from them. As a teacher myself, I see so much abuse and children who aren't children anymore. It breaks my heart. I'm so sorry to hear that you suffered through that horrible experience.